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[andyoucallmeupagain]

What a year March has been

[idieddead]

it’s still march???

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[orriculum]

My boss’s first language isn’t English. However, she loves giving inspirational speeches to everyone. I think today she was trying to tell us “don’t just stand around looking pretty”, but what she actually said was “WE DONT HAVE TIME TO BE SEXY”.

[sheldoninmanyfandoms]

It reminds me of my Russian boss at the bakery. I didn’t wrap the bread correctly so she told me to “Snuggle like baby. Bread is your baby, Shelly. It’s sweet and gentle. Fragile, Italian.”

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[hipnerd]

This is the same man.

[comic-chick]

I think about this a lot.

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[themagicalladycat]

[penguin-and-kiwi]

I'll do it for you, creamy

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[xslytherin]

Robert Pattinson's commentary in Twilight is hilarious

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[unclefather]

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[heckbennett]

The song hallelujah always makes me cry but it also makes me think of Shrek???

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[halleregina]

Okay now that I’ve finally quit Denny’s let me tell you guys about the bizarre fucking otherworld it is

• The music and the room temperature are controlled by corporate. Corporate plays a lot of pop covers of Disney princess songs I’ve never heard before. I now have a dance routine to the K-Pop sounding version of Let it Go.
  
• Our sign flickered fast and red and demonically for a week and the repairman said he couldn’t find anything wrong with it.
• People did drug deals in, like, broad daylight in the middle of the parking lot multiple times a week.
• It’s open 24/7. We had a backup generator none of us knew about until there was a massive storm one night and we looked out to see a tree knocked over and our lights the only thing on for miles. You could weather the apocalypse with no idea the apocalypse was even happening. 
• Regular customers included:
• A man convinced the chemtrails are real who gave me six separate pieces of literature on the subject
• A little person named Kevin who told me “sometimes I call myself a dwarf when I’m feeling whimsical”
• An actual group of Neo-Nazis
• An actual Earth, Wind, and Fire cover band (they played for us)
• Twins who came in separately on the same day and I thought they were one woman changing outfits rapidly for the longest time
• A Scottish landscaper who told us we “couldn’t prove he doesn’t know Simon Pegg”
• I have more these are just off the top of my head

[halleregina]

I can’t believe I forgot

• two line cooks got into a really heated argument about whether Vin Diesel is bisexual or not
  
• I asked an elderly man if he wanted to use the AARP discount and he said “No, I’m not a socialist”.

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[luthorsandsupers]

[justshowbizbabey]

same energy

[bloodyborsch]

[cheerymessenger]

another Same Energy: so ive asked my family to refer to me as they/them bc im nb, and a few times ive corrected my cousins when theyve misgendered me. and so when my little cousins were playing superheroes, one of them said i could be supergirl, and my four year old cousin immediately pipes in with “but sams not a girl” and then, after a bit of thought, “you can be superthey!”

[depressedpajamaperson]

Theydies and gentlethem

[alltimevirgilant]

I love this

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[captain-boomerang]

check out this periodic table

[captain-boomerang]

I have made a lot of bad jokes but this is still probably my greatest hit

[agentxpoe]

I’m on mobile and I just thought the image kept messing up

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[wherewentz]

2007 was so important